23 posts tagged “life”

I feel the whole word is changing all around me, but I stay the same. For the first time in my life, I'm just a passive viewer, watching how most people evolve or barely straggle to survive. I manage to extract myself from this complex equation called life. No more drama for me, thank you very much. Let me just stay and enjoy the view. Sure, the view is not always enjoyable, nor entertaining, yet it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling of living among the living.

Let me explain myself to you, because I feel I'm being rather oblique. It's not that I don't care anymore, I do, I do, I do. It's not that I'm not passionate anymore, I am, I am, I am. Yet, I don't feel like involving myself in anything else but my business. Everybody around me has a sad or happy story to tell, has achieved or lost something, and all I have to say about is: that's life, mate. Don't sweat it! I can't help but wonder if this is finally me reaching wisdom, or just losing it slowly. Whatever. Look at me, laying in my bed with the laptop on my knees, listening to the new The Raconteurs album, Consolers of the Lonely, trying to understand the meaning of life. My life. (It suddenly occurs to me that I can totally be Jack White's groupie for a living. I could throw red rose petals on the path his beautiful yet slightly deranged feet grace the ground. I totally would, you know that, don't you?)

On the other hand, my writing is going swell, baby. The other day I wrote a passage I've been dreaming to write since last august. I've finally reached at that point! I can't believe it, I have about 70% of my book already written. Now, about that passage, it's describing one of the darkest, most disturbing, psychedelic states of mind of my hero. I wrote it in a cozy cafe by the sea, with people all around me, but I didn't even noticed their presence. In fact, I'm not sure I even breathed for about an hour or two, until I was done. But it was worth it, the final result is great. I didn't think I had it in me. (Probably that's why I was having murderous tendencies the other day. Something gotta give.) I've finally signed the pact with the Devil, folks!

Maremagnum caffee

Yesterday I woke up early and went to the market with Sabrina to buy grapefruits. She brought from Buenos Aires a special kind of tea, some Argentinian traditional herb called Yierba Mate. Tastes shitty unless you drink it from a grapefruit with a hole in it. And then we made plans for the evening to go out a little bit, as we never went out partying together and it's high time we did it. And, boy, what a night we had!

First, we started with an Irish pub to pay homage to our beloved green friends as they were celebrating St. Patrick's day in their own special way. We blended it. It was funny cos everyone in the pub was wearing green clover hats. Then we went to a fancy bar, where we had a glass of champaign each, enough to kick the evening in. Then we went to this club, where Sabrina knew the bartender and we got all the drinks for free. That would be a Jaggermaister shot and a caipirhinia. We were laughing and having a very good time. The more I discover Sabrina, the more I like her. She's a clever girl with personality and principals. I don't know if I used the right words to describe her, but you get the idea; like, you don't meet this kind of people very often. Most people are schmucks.

Well, it turns out that next week Sabrina's ex bf is visiting her from Italy. Apparently, all of a sudden, he realized she is the love of his life, and wants to get back with her. She's not so sure, also it's the long distance issue, but she's willing to see what happens. Ok, that being said, I can continue with the night's tale. Sabrina bumped into some acquaintance of her, who was either very happy to see her or had a banana in his pocket. The guy was with his friend, some dude named Ingo who claimed to be a saxophone player. So I ended up making conversation with him. He said he just toured the world with his group, and he had some excellent experiences. Also, he invited me to his next concert, he said I would love to hear him playing. I was way too educated to tell him that sax is not my thing, unless, of course, Johnny Depp was playing it. And he's no Johnny Depp.

And then, he asked me what my age was, and upon learning it, he said: "well, I'm three years younger than you, that's quite a lot of age gap there". "Hold you horses, cowboy, it's not like I like you anyway, so don't even bother making any kind of calculations." By that time, we were walking towards the metro station and we both received a red rose from our chevaliers. And he asked, "what do you mean you don't like me?" "Well, it's simple, you're rather ugly, quite fat and your hair is a mess. So you see, it's ok for me to have a conversation with you, but that's all I'm willing to concede to you. And mind you, it's quite a treat you're getting here as I'm in my "conversational prime"". And, ladies and gents, here comes the best part: "well, you're a pretty girl all right, but for a ==my nationality== you've quite a big mouth". (the translation from Spanish is quite approximate, but this is the meaning of his words). I was almost happy he gave me grounds to unleash myself. So I said loud to Sabrina, "girl, your friend's friend keeps insulting me and on the top of it he's a nazi. How about we catch the next train and get rid of them, cos they're such a bore?" "Good idea", she said, and we threw the roses in the litter bin and got away. A lot of people around us saw the whole scene, and they all cheered us and invited us to join them if we wanted. Actually, we got home and rolled a fat one and laughed our bums out.

But the question still remains, in modern day Spain, a twenty something makes nazi remarks to people. How should I address this issue? Should I consider all Spanish people are nazis and give them all the dirty look? Meh, that would make me just like this guy. Should I teach him some manners? Meh, if his momma didn't, neither will I. So, somebody please tell me how the fuck should I relate to this, cos sure as hell I ain't taking shit from no one!

    The cheerful disposition never left me. This morning, I woke up very early, spent about three hours in preening, because I'm sure you know by now that in an interview, be it a job interview, the looks count more than the resume. Not that my resume is not good enough, but in a world of good enoughs, a decent look makes the difference. Also, it was an excellent opportunity for me to show of my new printemps collection of hot couture. (God, I'm good with words!). So, dressed up as the queen of mods, nothing less, I believe I made an excellent impression on the recruitment lady. I certainly exceeded my own expectations. I was so communicative, so spiritual, so poised, I truly amazed myself. I may have made a few things up just for the sake of an interesting conversation, but all in all I told her exactly what I wanted and she seemed committed to help me get it. Because normally I'm quite grumpy and serious when with new people, I need quite a lot of foreplay in order to let my hair down. So maybe I'm starting to change, to evolve into a superior being, the homo comunicatiens, and all I have to do in order to achieve something is to look pretty, smile and have no problem in expressing myself in a flamboyant yet effective way. Wouldn't that be great? The world would be a better place.
    Or maybe is just Mercury not being retrograde anymore, but who's counting?
    I walked home for about an hour and a half, it was a worm, sunny springtime day, and the soft breeze was caressing my face. The purple satin ballerina shoes didn't exactly thank my feet for it, but what the hell, I was stoic. I resisted most impulses to enter shops, except for the couple of times when I badly needed to check myself in the mirror, because I was afraid my mascara was yielding. False alarm!
     When I got home I wrote no less than four excellent pages, that need no revisions, probably the best pages of the chapter so far. I'm so excited about it. Finally, I feel I found my own voice, quite innovative, direct, I got rid of pompous words and I go straight to the point. I'm loving it. And as if all that wasn't enough, I spent quality time with my flat mates, Sabrina and Toni, and after all this time of almost-belligerent attitude, we really clicked and had fun.
     I can't ask for anything more, can I?

Everything's been quite quiet lately. Sun is shining, birds are singing, flowers blooming and the pink elephants are flying. Today, the new internet contract finally arrived, so we have the fastest speed ever. It's so fast, it makes me dizzy!

I took Kuki in my room for a few days, just for him to chance the scenery a little bit. He seems to love it here, he's very playful and making quirky noises. Also, he eats better. Friday I'm leaving for ten days, so I'm a little bit worried about Kuki. Sabrina wont be home until the end of the month, so the guys will have to feed him. I might have mentioned once or twice they're not exactly the most reliable people. Actually, no later than today, Toni told me he's rather let Kuki free in the city, knowing he'll die in two days, than keep him here incarcerated in his cage. While he was cooking himself a nice big juicy beef stake. I can't stand hypocrites. Poor Kuki, I feel for him, I really do, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't make the best I can for him.

Another amazing thing happened this weekend. Ol' Gregg returned from France with a girlfriend. And the young messier truly loves the mademoiselle. No sign yet of the guy who used to sleep over at Greg's during lasts months, hehe. But you know, I'm actually winning a bet here, Sabrina said he was totally gay and I always replied he's to stinky, as in lacking personal hygiene, to be gay. She thought it's because he's French, you know. Well, well, how rude of her to think something like that. Anyway, the mademoiselle never left the house. The young messier never took her out for a walk, a movie, whatever. He just makes her stay in the kitchen and cook him French fries. And since today he went to work, she had the whole day for herself, to stay locked down in the room. It's unbelievable, with so many things to do and see around here. She did shower, though.

Have you ever had the impression that no matter how much you strive, the results never show up? I don't know, maybe i'm in a pessimistic state. But the fact remains that I work so hard, I'm putting myself out there, I give the most I can.

I believe it all comes from the gym class. I go there almost everyday, I do all those impossible exercises, I sweat like a pig and ... nothing. I look just as fat. Wasn't it suppose to work? It's been a month and a half now, where are my results? At least by now i could see some improvement! And I eat less and less everyday, which I know it's totally unhealthy, but I need to do something, this is making me ill. All my life I used to be so fit, and now I can't control my weight even with the heavy artillery.

Then it is the book. I write and I write and I write, and I still don't seem to get anywhere near the end of the second part. There are four parts. I have to strive better, I don't want to spend all the year looked in my room. When I decided to write this book, I took a pledge with myself that I'm gonna give up everything else while I do it. But it's beginning to be alienating.

And on the top of everything, Sabrina is in Argentina and I'm alone with the two gits. Sure, Kuki is keeping me good company, but he's quite unreliable. Like a few moments ago I took him in my room and he escaped from my pocket and ran lose under the bed and the furniture. I tell you that is not an easy task to chase a chinchilla. After many rude words and shouts, I could finally trap him in a mode I'm not very proud of.

The only thing that makes my day now is the imminent arrival of one of the coolest tshirts in the history of mankind, which I ordered from London. According to Royal Mail tracking system, it's on his way. But of course, first I have to fit in it, so I don't hold my breath yet.

You guys, it's been three months since I arrived here in Barcelona, and I want to make a bit of an evaluation of my time here. I will do it monthly from now on, just to be able to follow my evolution, or lack of.

1. Rooms: two. One month in the house in Raval, with the annoying yet talented hair-stylist roommate. Two months and counting in a seventh floor apartment in Eixample, with three roommates. We didn't really hit it on from the beginning, but they're starting to grow on me. Toni, the Italian photographer/ actor/ musician, Sabrina, the loveliest Argentinian girl with 87 tattoos and a chinchilla, and Greg, the French whatever he does.

2. Roommates: as I said before, they're starting to grow on me. Sabrina is going to Argentina tomorrow, so I am the chosen one to take care of Kuki, the Naughty Chinchilla. In order to prepare myself for this outstanding task, I have been re-watching thoroughly the first series of The Mighty Boosh, you know, the one set in the Zooniverse. I wish Vince were here to give me a hand, if you catch my drift, and there's no way you don't, 'cos it's more like a hurricane! We'll be talking about hair and stuff.

Greg is still in France. Yay!

3. Sister: nothing really changed. She's planning to move to London for good. I don't wanna talk about it.

4. Novel: I have 84 pages so far. I'm sort of exceeding my expectations. According to my planning, I was supposed to finish the second part by now, but it turns out to be longer than I envisioned it. I mean, I have already 38 pages and I'm just halfway through it. I'm considering this an unexpected evolutionary hitch. See, I'm a scientist. And English is my second language. Actually third.

5. Gym: the good thing - I discovered a new equipment that is helping me with my lateral abs. It's a miracle. I was so keen on it, that yesterday I couldn't move out of the bed because of the muscular fever. the bad thing - I didn't shower.

Groovy!

The rest of the world being so busy as it is to go on with its things, thought I should stop taking note for a while and focus on my life, if I may call it that. Ok, where should I start? I'm just gonna enumerate stuff, in no particular order.

1. Toilet: fixed, broken, fixed again, probably breaking soon.

2. Roommates: a short recap for those who couldn't be bothered to read the early stuff. Toni, the Italian photographer / actor / waiter. I don't know what to think about him still, yet he's the one I'm bonding with the most. I reckon he is profoundly unhappy, but I respect him for struggling so hard to achieve something. Whatever that might be. Last weekend we went together to the Juliette concert, me as a reporter and him as a photog. We spent about two hours talking. I told him I hated that he smokes and leaves the ashtrays all over the place. I'm not sure he'll change though. I tried to make him gossip about the other guys, but he was refreshingly positive about everyone. He thinks I spend too much time alone. Well, I'm a writer, I can't write with people around me. He wouldn't understand that, he thinks there's something wrong with me. But I pity all people who can't find comfort in being by themselves. The ones who desperately need the company of others so they don't have to be alone. They are the most boring, emptiest people. Sabrina, on the other hand, the Argentinian girl is much more like me. She doesn't like Toni, she thinks he's not trustworthy. She suspects him he's eating her food. You know what, I thinks she's right. My cereals are disappearing very quickly. It's not that I mind him eating my cereals, I mind him doing so secretly. I'm gonna have to talk with him about this. How ridiculous! But you have to understand, I am the ultimate cereal killer. Behold! I like to mix'em, chocolate with honey and dried fruits with integral flakes. You see, the worst thing when you move to a foreign country is adjusting to its supermarket consumption behavior. Like, for example, I love Cini Minis, but I can't find them in Spain. It's unfathomable. Kellogs with chocolate can only be found in a special delicatessen shop, about forty minutes walking from here. And so the Crunchy Honey. And the Smacks. That's insane. So you see, I have all the right in the world to get all territorial when Toni, the lazy bum, eats my beloved cereals. There, now I said it. As for the third guy, Greg, the French cameraman or whatever he claims he is, he was fired from his phone answering job on the account of being absent for two days because of too much partying. He's now in France.
I wish I had better adjusted roommates. Like me.

3. The hookers situation in Barcelona: I have to talk about it, it's quite striking. If you are into trannies, the best ones are in the Ciudad Universitaria area, that is where the students campus is. Beats me why. I go there at least twice a month, for the live concerts. Girlfriends seem to enjoy what they're doing. They wear those platform high heeled red vinyl boots, miniskirts or hotpants and just a bra. And I can assure you, the cup is a double D minimum. Crazy make-up and long haired wigs, they almost look like women except when they talk. Those deep grave baritone voices give them away. If you are into girls-girls, you should go to Raval, the central neighborhood where I used to stay in December. Recently I've been around and I saw them again, standing there on the street, negotiating BJs with slimy old men. Most of them are clearly on heroine. They probably don't know what they're doing. Police is tolerating it, apparently helps local economy. I guess human compassion can only go as far as economics allows.

4. Losing weight: It's been a month now since I'm going almost every day to the gym. There is an undeniable progress, especially around my waist, but I still need to work hard to get to Heidi Klum's standards. Well, I guess Rome wasn't built in a day either.

5. My home home: I'm gonna pay a visit to folks back home in February. I already feel emotional. I haven't found yet something better than them. Or someone.

6. The novel: my book is making progress. Not respecting my best case scenario, but still, I'm already half way there. According to my plans, I should finish it by February. I'm close to finishing the second part. I have many moments of self doubt, as I have of self complimenting. I'm alone in this, so I have to make it through all by myself. I'm good.

7. The weather: it's getting warmer and warmer. Soon enough I can go sunbathe. With protection screen of course. I'm planning to travel throughout Spain a little bit, the plane fares being so low, I can afford it. Perhaps in march I'll go to Andalucia. How beautiful!

Stick with me,
M

I'm glad I picked Barcelona to spend my wintertime. Not only is it a beautiful and alive city, but the weather is so kind. Yesterday it was warm enough to be hanging out at the beach and let that mediterranean sun caress your face and forget about all your troubles. The amusement park in my neighborhood continues throughout this week too, and I have to pass through it every day as I go to the gym. It's quite a fight I have to put to resist the cotton candy temptation and I don't always win. Well, at least I go to the gym. I'm monitoring my body improvements every day with long hard stares in the mirror, and all in all I'm satisfied. It's a process and it's working in firm steps. Just like I am.

I've been lazy lately. I barely went out of the house except for the gym. I don't know why, I really am an outgoing gal. I should catch some movie, I feel like having salted popcorn. I'm one of those suckers who adores popcorn when watching a film. The thing that scares me most is that I haven't been reading for days now. I started Ulysses, for the fifth time after four unsuccessful attempts, and as much as I love the book, I find it very hard to read. I'm almost finishing the first volume and I'm stuck. I haven't been listening to music for a long time time, my ipod is getting dusty. meh.

What I have been doing though is spending a looong time on internet, trying to understand all about web 2.0. I feel like a doctor who studied Brain-surgery for Fools and now is about to perform an operation. Cos web 2.0 is a different world, with different rules and different rulers. But I believe I'm a citizen now. Although, I still want to stick to my favorite past time, which is music and movies. m&m, hehe.
I'm gonna leave you with miz Kuki, The Adorable Chinchilla, who is making a terrible noise during the nights, but I can't be mad at her, she's too sweet!

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I made an outstanding effort to watch the last episode of Prison Break. The entire third series debuted inauspiciously, after a brilliantly enthralling first season and a captivating second one. I'm sure it has something to do with the infamous wga writers strike, and the fact that the producers just had to employ some retarded donkeys to continue the script where the writers left it. Yep, that's gotta be it. Because there is no way in hell someone can explain to me how this show became so lame in practically no time. 

The actors are all saying their lines so apologetically, like they are ashamed they have to utter those words. I bet when they read the script to memorize it, they have to take a large quantity of prozac to be able to go through the ordeal. I feel for you Wentworth, I really do. And the fact that you are a magna cum laudae Princeton literature graduated it's not helping you at all right now, aint' it so? Look what you've got yourself into, mister. With all those gay rumors that you have to fight off these day!

Because let's face it, Wentworth was the main reasons I watched that show, last year I had such a crush on him, that I started to send myself love letters signed with his name. True story. But I'll do no justice to the show if I put all the merit on him, the entire script was ingenuous and captivating, it made you wanna watch more and more episodes until you finally crush on the couch exhausted, only to wake up wanting more. Hence the incredible number of hetero male fans of the series.

But nowadays, the gang's back to the square one in Panama, dragging and dragging over a boring story, Sara's head is chopped off by a cruel yet sympathetic mob woman, Lincoln is still parading his man cleavage, as useless as always and fretting over the life of little LJ, who is held hostage by the above mentioned mean woman,  agent Mahone's Dirty Harry days are evaporating into its junkyness, kept alive by T-Bag, the pedophile homosexual murderer, probably the only character who somehow managed to keep his mojo throughout the entire series. Oh, and Michael wonders around with his shirt on, and never showers like he used to! Bo-ring!  I think I want a trial separation!